Friday, July 1, 2011

Starting Over

It's been over a year since Kit left, and I am finally starting to breathe again. It's strange how you can get so lost in a relationship, that you cease to exist.  I was too flexible, passive, loving, and trusting.  After 30 years, I never expected him to file for divorce.  I was committed - invested - all in.  I always believed in making it work.  I found out I couldn't do it alone. I couldn't love enough for both of us and live with a growing pile of rules and expectations.  My all wasn't enough. There was no credit for trying - even when I ran my health into the ground.
So now, I spend most of my days alone with God and my two animals.  Maybe I can catch the dream I once had and fully become the person I was meant to be.  I have been exploring my options, and enjoying the freedom in God that I once had.  No pressure to perform - but total acceptance.  Freedom to serve God alone.  
Alone. 

2 comments:

Cedar Street Kid said...

Sorry to hear about your relationship, but happy to see that you have landed on your feet. I check from time to time to see if you had any new posts, but had not check for months until today. You will find your path. Just be lead, and don't try to lead.

Pinehurst in my Dreams said...

Thank you for your concern. I have received much support from friends, relatives and strangers. As difficult as this has been God has given me the strength to move forward. We go to court soon.