Friday, July 1, 2011

Starting Over

It's been over a year since Kit left, and I am finally starting to breathe again. It's strange how you can get so lost in a relationship, that you cease to exist.  I was too flexible, passive, loving, and trusting.  After 30 years, I never expected him to file for divorce.  I was committed - invested - all in.  I always believed in making it work.  I found out I couldn't do it alone. I couldn't love enough for both of us and live with a growing pile of rules and expectations.  My all wasn't enough. There was no credit for trying - even when I ran my health into the ground.
So now, I spend most of my days alone with God and my two animals.  Maybe I can catch the dream I once had and fully become the person I was meant to be.  I have been exploring my options, and enjoying the freedom in God that I once had.  No pressure to perform - but total acceptance.  Freedom to serve God alone.