Excuse Me!

Excuse me if I smell like cat urine. I know it's not the stuff of posts, but you see, our cat is dying, and I was cleaning out his litter box today. Our Master Bath reeks, as Colonel has had a few misses lately. I used Resolve to kill the odor, but some of it must have oozed into the grout around the shower stall.

I am divided. Last week, I was determined to take him for tests and pills and to keep him as healthy as possible. . .but when they said daily injections - I faltered. My youngest daughter, S, said, "He won't let you do that!" (But she remembers Colonel the fighter, Colonel the attacker, not Colonel the dying elder.) Colonel has become the "puddy tat" who no longer fights the Vet if I am there to comfort him. The cat who trusts me implicitly, yet knows not that I hold the keys to his future. I don't want to make that decision - the one I know is coming, if he doesn't die on his own.

We all love Colonel. He has been a great cat for nearly 14 years. He was the great grey hunter that kept our house free of mice when the back yard was just a field near the airport. He has killed voles, and chased off cats and birds and probably squirrels. He'd even go after a dog if it came in the yard - but those days are past. He stopped fighting other cats a few months ago. He rarely goes outside except to stand on the back porch and survey his domain. He has stopped attacking Ozzy, our chocolate lab. He sleeps most of the time now, is losing weight, drinks a ton, and wets a ton.

Which leads me back to the beginning. He goes through a tub of litter every week or two now. . .and I am tired of the smell. Injections every day - or the smell of urine - or one fatal injection. . .but I can't go there. He must know. . .he just came in beside me to be petted.

So excuse me if I reek. I can't kill my cat.